H.C.

I think I will be leaving the country if Hillary Clinton is elected president. Part of me doesn't think our country is ready to elect a female president and the other half of me sees the dire need for a reform in our countries health care system. Which makes me wonder if Americans would elect her for that reason alone. I recently read some books that came out on her, and to be honest, she is frightening. Her views and ideas (most of them) are so radical that I shudder. I would elaborate on this, but I don't have much time. Remember, these are my own personal views, so don't get bent out of shape if you are a fan of her. I will post more on this when I have time.

Ideas?

I have no idea what to post about. Any ideas?

Safety

A friend down the hall had a not so good encounter last night. She went down to this athletic field that is just a short walk from campus, and was approached and followed by this guy. He tried to corner her so she took off running back to campus and called the police. Turns out that this kind of thing happens frequently. That is such a comforting thought! Thankfully they are located on campus and told her to call them for an escort anytime she felt unsafe. The interesting thing is that I was in the same place, but in the morning, and it felt creepy so I left. I kept looking over my shoulder and figured that wasn't a good sign. I am looking forward to Labor Day when I can go home and get a break from the city life.

Funk

I am in such a funk today, and it is rather annoying. I have some of my homework done, but not all of it. I need to crack down after dinner, as well as tomorrow and get a lot of it done. I want to get ahead that way I don't feel so pressured. I don't do well under those circumstances. I also have a slight headache which doesn't help matters. I will try to write something a little more spiritual tonight.

Loneliness

Those of you who know me well, know that I struggle in this area. I love being at Marian, but I am sooo lonely. I eat pretty much every meal by myself, unless the girl down the hall and I happen to catch each other. Which has only happened 3 times. Then in class everyone pretty much has their own friends, so I feel like an outsider looking in. Make sense? People are nice and say hello, but trying to find your place isn't very easy. I am so shy that I won't approach people. I am self conscious and worry about what they will think of me. So I go find an empty table, eat, and go back to my room. The other strange thing is that no one on my floor, but 2 of us keep our doors open. Very strange. Usually people keep them open and visit. Not on this floor. Well enough of that.

Lab

I have Father Keffler for Earth Science, and I really like him. He is very upfront about what makes him happy and what doesn't make him happy. We had our first lab this morning at 8 a.m., which is way too early in my opinion, and it went well. We learned about the science processing skills. So we had to draw a bee from memory and then we got to take a plant and study it, write down our observations, and then someone in the class had to pick out our plant from what we wrote. Not rocket science, but it was fun. Then we got to work in groups and try to put together a puzzle in under 8 minutes. That was the record from the other classes this week. Father Keffler is 71 and doesn't look it at all! He cracked us up this morning when he told us why does roll call. The first reason is so that he knows who is there and who isn't, the second is so that he can learn our names, and the third is for those of us in the classroom who are interested in someone but have no clue what their name is. According to him we will have better luck getting a date if we know their name :-)

Open Mouth Insert Foot

This is what I did yesterday with a professor. I got back to my room after class and realized he misunderstood me. I do this sort of thing all the time, but never realize it until it is too late to fix it. Oh well.

Natural Sleep Aid.

Well, I have discovered a natural sleep aid. The next time you can't fall sleep you need to read Oedipus The King from the Greek Tragedies. Oh my word! I don't know how I am going to get through reading these. I have never liked Greek mythology let alone this! I just have to read it in small doses or else I will retain none of it. I officially have classes from 9 a.m. until 8:45 p.m. on Wednesdays. I have a little bit of time in the late afternoon before dinner, but it's not much. I am sooo tired and must go to bed. I think I might watch a bit of a movie to unwind. To all of my GCPL family that is reading my blog, please comment when you want to! I would love to hear from you :-)!

God, what were you thinking?

I am coming to the full realization that this first semester is going to kick my butt. So to speak. I keep stopping and asking God what He was thinking when He asked me to come here. I am going to enjoy the challenge, and I want to do well, but I also want to keep Him and His will first in my life. I don't want to be so absorbed in my grades that I quite leaning on Him. I just keep handing it over and remembering that He didn't bring me here for nothing. I will post more when I am not soooo tired :-)

Classes!

They start tomorrow at 8 a.m.. So far I am registered for English 101, Human Nature and Person, Freshmen Experience, Earth Science, and Introduction to Schools and Society. I might drop the Freshmen Experience, but we'll see. Everyone at Marian has to take Philosophy and Theology which is fine by me. I want to minor in Theology so hopefully next semester I can take a class. I have all the books bought but one, and it looks like I have no other choice but to buy it from the school bookstore. I have looked and looked online, and I am not finding anything promising. You wouldn't believe all the "kids" who went right in and bought everything from the bookstore. Not very smart if you ask me. Well time to go get ready for the day.

Church

I think I found the church where I am going this morning. I had attended it back when Ruth was pregnant, and we looked it up yesterday and found it. St. Luke's and it isn't far from me. About 10-15 minutes or so depending on traffic. Everything here depends on traffic. The priest gave a great homily when I visited and they have adoration 24 hours a day. Now I hope they have some activities or bible studies planned that I can get involved in. I went into the church yesterday to snag a bulletin, but they didn't have any laying out. Campus has Mass at 11 a.m., but I want to be active in a parish. I don't want to stay in a bubble.

Oh So Tired

I have not stopped running since Wednesday. Right now it is 12:07 a.m. and I am just now slowing down. I was supposed to be in a shared room, but I kind of walked in on my roommate and her boyfriend. I didn't think I would be comfortable living in that environment so I opted for the private room. It cost me a little more, but not much. So my room has a huge closet with lots of shelves, a desk, and a 3 drawer dresser. My parents came down this evening and they bought me a fridge and a microwave. Yay! Thank you mom and dad :-) Both will come in handy this weekend considering my meal plan doesn't kick in until Monday. So tonight after they left I was able to go buy milk and and a few other things to place in the fridge. I suggest trying the new Jello-O Pudding. It is sugar free and has banana and chocolate in it. Also only 60 calories! I will try to put some pictures up on here as soon as I have time and figure out how. Right now I seriously need sleep.

I Made It.

Well, I am here. Tomorrow is my big day when I will take my placement tests, register for classes, get my parking pass, buy books etc... I also got permission to move in early. So hopefully that will all be set up. I hope there are no bumps in the road with the dorm or anything. The are placing me in the upperclassman dorm because I am not a traditional student. Yahoo! I will write more tomorrow once I am settled.

Breathing

I have found that breathing is a good thing. I had a wave of terror come over me when I figured out how much my school loans will end up costing me for this year alone. I have never been so scared in my entire life. God must a great sense of humor to put all of this on me. The funny thing is though, that I don't have to "carry" it. I just need to give up and give it over. I have a feeling that my going back to school has nothing to do with school, and all to do with my walk with Christ. I know I am a determined person, and all I want is what God wills, so in the end I know I will be ok, but you can't help but be terrified. I really want to go and lock myself up with God and talk with Him. I want to unload all of this and finally have peace. I have a tiny amount buried in my heart, but I want it to be overflowing. I would appreciate any encouragement right now from those close to me!!

Transition Time

I don't even know where to begin. I have about 3 posts that I want to write tonight, but we'll see how far I get. Tomorrow I am leaving the job and co-workers I love and going back to school. I had a huge wave of doubt hit me a minute ago, and I can't help but worry about this choice. It is so unknown and I have no idea what to expect. Everyone keeps telling me that I will do fine and that it will be fun, but can't I grieve? I feel like several people expect me to move right along and experience no pain in what I am doing. I really think this is a test of my faith and I really hope I pass. The unknown use to be exciting, but not anymore. Sorry to ramble...

My Opinion

There are several things that I want to write about on here, but I worry about what people might think. I don't want to upset anyone, but then again isn't this a way to express myslef? There is one worry that I have always had and I am ready to toss it right out the window. Finding my future husband. I have always been so concerned with this, that I miss out on the enjoyment of the "ride" so to speak. Dating in my opinion is not fun. I mean it can be enjoyable, but it is not my cup of tea. I will expand more on this when I am not so sleepy...

Thinking

I have been trying to think of something to write for most of the evening, and finally I had an idea! Suffering. I know that is everyones favorite topic (j/k), but there is so much of it in the world. I don't just mean famine and war, but suffering that we endure everyday. Whether you have a chronic illness or a troubled marriage. God cares about all the little things that we think He has no interest in. He wants us to bring all of it to Him. The one key thing that a lot of people forget to do, is to offer our suffering up to God. It is never in vain. When I have a splitting headache I need to remember to say "Lord, I offer this pain up to you, and please help me to grow because of this." Something that simple can change your entire attitude about what you are going through! It is never fun to grow through anything that is uncomfortable or difficult, but think how much you can grow if you would let God teach you through your pain.

My Will

I am really trying to submit myself to Christ's will for my life. It is so hard for me to give everything over and trust that it's going to be ok. I want control at all times, so I feel like a two year old that is doing what their parent wants, but I am throwing a tantrum in the process. A good friend was very encouraging last night while I sobbed into the phone. I wonder how many times I am going to have to be reminded of God's goodness, love, mercy, kindness, etc... You get the point. What got the ball rolling was his post on justification. The Catholic view is amazing and really makes sense if you stop and think about it. If you want to read that go to www.catholicwit.blogspot.com
I am am going to spend time with God today, and ask His forgiveness for my lack of faith. Do you have a lack of faith?

Ahhh

That is how I am feeling right now! I am sorry for all the not so cheerful posts, but once things settle down in my life I can start doing that. I am also beginning to wonder how many people read my blog. I am thoroughly enjoying this, which I didn't think I would. I am so ready for my life to settle down. I was telling a good friend last night that the past 2 years of my life have been one big thing after another. Lots of life changes which equals lots of stress! I pray that I am moving into a season where I can rest, and maybe learn to not worry so much. I want to excel while I am in school and "begin" my life so to speak. Does that make sense?

Being Broken

Being broken is never a fun thing to go through. I think back on times in my life when I have been utterly shattered, and you have to wonder how God is going to do anything with the pieces. Here is something that I wrote last fall and it is about my being broken. I am no poet, but the words came easily.

So confused, so lost, so broken.
I no longer know which way to turn.
Or what God wants.
My heart is bleeding, but I don't know how to stop it.
How do you heal a wound that no one can see?
How do you mend a heart that is shattered?
How do you move when you can't see anything?

Worry

For the first time tonight I realized that my worry effects those around me. When did I become so susceptible to worry and anxiety? When did I stop trusting God with my life? I have always said that I trusted God, but when did it slip out the back door? I have no safety nets right now in my life, and that is terrifying, but it wouldn't be if I was trusting him. Thank heavens He loves us and is always there for us. He will never let us go. Now I need to start living this, and God knows how hard this is for me and maybe others who are reading this. If He said He would take care of a sparrow, why is it so hard for me to believe He will take care of me? How do you feel?

Frustration

Do you ever do something and then totally kick yourself afterward? I know I do that often, but today I really did it. I realized today how far I still have to go in my walk with Christ, as well as fostering charity and love towards others. I am trying to not let this depress me, but it is hard. I really feel like a jerk and hope that this person forgives me, but that is their choice. Why though, as humans, do we do something we know is wrong or not right in sight of God? No matter what it is. Murder, lying, stealing, gossip etc...You get the drift. This is a very perplexing question when you are trying so hard to walk the straight and narrow and screw up. Don't you agree?

Finally

I have not been sleeping well and last night I finally got a full nights sleep! Hallelujah! I have been walking around feeling like a zombie which is no fun.

A Whole New Life.

God has a funny way of directing your life sometimes. You're going along down the road of life and all of a sudden you are making a sudden left or right. This sudden change in direction gives you no other choice, but to grab a hold of him and hang on for dear life.
I am hanging on for dear life as we speak. God is the only thing in my life that is not going to change, and he gives me everything I need. I have found the Our Father particularly helpful during this time. If you say it and really think about the words it will bring you the peace you seek.
This is also my first blog!